Connection in the face of rejection

By Ryan Lee | April 5, 2021

This post is by Ryan Lee. You can follow him on Instagram or visit his website to learn about other ways to follow him.

For people on the autism spectrum like myself, connecting with others is an uphill battle and can be extremely difficult. From my own personal experiences, sometimes it’s like I can’t trust my own mind or body when I’m usually so in control and the next minute I’m just not.

photo of blogger, Ryan Lee at a bowling alley posing in between two of his friends

For example, one time I met a guy in an improv class I was trying out and we seemed to hit it off pretty well. While we were hanging out, the conversation seemed to be going pretty smoothly... until I said something that was meant to be a joke but he kind of took it the wrong way and I didn’t know it at the time. The next time I saw him, he kept walking away from me and wouldn’t say anything. I heard from someone else that what I said offended him and he didn’t want to be friends with me ever again.

Hearing that hurt my feelings really badly, but I’m lucky to have friends that love me unconditionally and that I can confide in when I’m feeling that way. Those feelings of rejection can be so overwhelming, but I can get through them if I’m just honest with myself. So, if anything like that happens again—which I really hope it doesn’t but there are still chances it might—I’ll be okay.

Everyone deserves a second chance because you never know what struggles they are facing or what they’re going through. My brain just works differently and that isn’t something I should be punished for. This World Autism Month, people should get to know individuals in the autism community for who we really are.

The pandemic was extremely hard for us because most had to stay inside and miss going out to socialize and have fun. Also, if something we do is bothering you, just tell us how you feel. Take it from me, we won’t bite. Just because we see things differently doesn’t make us less human.

Even though my friend’s rejection hurt like other rejections I’ve suffered in the past, I won’t let people’s misjudgment stop me from trying to connect with my peers because we should not be defined by our mistakes. Plus, how are we supposed to learn from our mistakes if we can’t make them? It’s a fact of life that everybody makes mistakes, and there is no shame in that.

Autism Speaks does not provide medical or legal advice or services. Rather, Autism Speaks provides general information about autism as a service to the community. The information provided on our website is not a recommendation, referral or endorsement of any resource, therapeutic method, or service provider and does not replace the advice of medical, legal or educational professionals. Autism Speaks has not validated and is not responsible for any information, events, or services provided by third parties.

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