This blog post is by Pia who writes over at a blog called 'The Crack and The Light.' Her son has autism.
“Autists are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It’s that you’re destroying the peg.”
— Paul Collins
Michelangelo could have used many methods to create his sculptural masterpieces. He could have taken a piece of marble, crushed it up into powder, mixed it with a combination of sand, cement, water, poured it into a mold, and TA-DA ....He could have made something like this:
He could have claimed that he created the angel out of the marble. But he didn't. What he says is that the angel was there all along. He saw it in there. He let the marble guide him, and in doing so he helped reveal what was there already. He didn't claim ownership of the internal beauty. He just helped set it free.
Did he have a hand in its creation? Sure. But if he had not respected the nature of the marble... if he not used proper methods and techniques and respect and care for that which nature provided... he would not have been the instrument in the creation of such beauty. Such beauty is not the product of ego or self focus.
It is the result of careful refinement of the senses to that which you are trying to reveal. It is about being sensitive to the nature of that which you work. It wasn't wood. It wasn't glass. It was marble, imbued with its own special properties... imbued with"marbleness".
That is what being child led is.
Imposing your will, imposing 'compliance', imposing your adult expectations and vision of what the child "should be" will only get you this:
The neurodiversity movement stresses the idea that autism is not a disease. It is not an illness to be cured. Rather, it is a difference. A different way of seeing the world. A different way of being. And this difference deserves respect and understanding. I love this perspective, and yet I have often felt conflicted about it. How do I... J-man's neurotypical parent... help him learn to live in this world without trying to make him like his peers? How do I help him fit in and function here... in this world as it exists today? How do other parents of autistic children teach their child the ways of the world and how to make their way? When the way they ARE is so very different? When their world can be so confusing and scary and fundamentally different than the one I understand and know...???
For me, the right approach seems to be the child led one. I will meet him where he is. I will appreciate his talents and excellence. I will sensitively understand how he sees the world (well, to the best of my ability) and I will hopefully be able to guide him to the next developmental step. I will allow for his quirkiness... cherish it even! And yet .... like all parents.... I will teach him how to channel his energy and communicate his thoughts. Wherever he is at in the course of his life, he will know he is amazing.
And that he glows.