Understanding Comes With Experience
By Michelle D. Jones-Brown
Editor's note: The opinions expressed herein are those of the author exclusively.
By Michelle D. Jones-Brown
Editor's note: The opinions expressed herein are those of the author exclusively.
There we sat, telling our then three-year-old son, Ian, who was rocking and screaming at the top of his lungs, that it would be okay. (Unfortunately, we didn't know about the “I'm not misbehaving” button yet!) People were walking by us, going up and coming down the steps, looking at us in confusion. I'm sure they were wondering why in the world we were sitting at the bottom of the huge stairway in the middle of the mall. It was because Ian was upset that we were walking in the opposite direction of the way he wanted to go. Ian, my husband, and I got “the look” from a lot of people, too - the “what's wrong with your kid?” look. I'm very familiar with it, not only because I'm the mother of an autistic child, but because, on more than one occasion, I've been the one giving it.
All my life, whenever I encountered an unruly child, I simply could not understand why their parents wouldn't – or couldn't – control them. Seeing a child in the mall yelling at his/her parents, talking back to them, telling their parents “no,” and even hitting them? Or the child in the restaurant who keeps jumping up and down in the booth next to you, throwing his utensils, and coming over to your table uninvited. I would give the parent “the look” and then tell myself I would never allow a child of mine to behave that way. Never say never.
While we are constantly trying to teach Ian – how to write his name, how to color within the lines, how to “use his words” to express himself – it is really Ian who has taught us. We've learned the valuable lessons of acceptance, the need to be more understanding and tolerant of those who are “different,” and how not to judge.
Someone might think I'm crazy for saying that there is anything good about having a child with autism, but I'd like to think that it has made me a better person. It has given me a patience that I never had before, which has helped all areas of my life. Now when I see a child “acting up”, instead of making them feel worse, I give the parent a look that says “I understand,” because I do.
All my life, whenever I encountered an unruly child, I simply could not understand why their parents wouldn't – or couldn't – control them. Seeing a child in the mall yelling at his/her parents, talking back to them, telling their parents “no,” and even hitting them? Or the child in the restaurant who keeps jumping up and down in the booth next to you, throwing his utensils, and coming over to your table uninvited. I would give the parent “the look” and then tell myself I would never allow a child of mine to behave that way. Never say never.
While we are constantly trying to teach Ian – how to write his name, how to color within the lines, how to “use his words” to express himself – it is really Ian who has taught us. We've learned the valuable lessons of acceptance, the need to be more understanding and tolerant of those who are “different,” and how not to judge.
Someone might think I'm crazy for saying that there is anything good about having a child with autism, but I'd like to think that it has made me a better person. It has given me a patience that I never had before, which has helped all areas of my life. Now when I see a child “acting up”, instead of making them feel worse, I give the parent a look that says “I understand,” because I do.
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