Follow Your Feelings
By Kathryn Wylie
Editor's note: The opinions expressed herein are those of the author exclusively.
By Kathryn Wylie
Editor's note: The opinions expressed herein are those of the author exclusively.
Our beautiful daughter, Bree, was diagnosed with autism and ADHD at age two. As a former school psychologist, I knew Bree (our third child) was different from birth, but I couldn't bring myself to admit that something serious might be wrong. Bree acted like a deaf child most of the time, not even seeming to know her own name. She did not talk, or make baby noises at all -- only screams to reveal her wants or needs. Finally, Bree's grandmother remarked during a visit, "We've noticed that Bree never looks at us when we talk to her." Gram was right, and I couldn't ignore it any longer; I knew from experience that Bree likely had autism.
Having your child officially diagnosed with autism is devastating on one hand, and a relief on the other. The child you thought you had "dies" and the one you really have becomes a reality. After the grief comes an intense desire to find answers. Children with autism do not fit into one mold. Some advice we researched or received seemed right for Bree; other recommendations did not. We followed our feelings.
We look back now as Bree soon turns sixteen, and feel grateful for the way our whole family has learned and grown together. Perhaps the differences in how we approached our situation will encourage other parents of children with autism to follow their feelings when national or local trends in treating autism don't seem right for them.
Bree is the third of five children, the only one with autism. We were homeschoolers for many years, and also had our family attending private and public schools. Bree attended special needs classes for three years. She tested as very bright, or high-functioning, and learned to read easily. Her ADHD, coupled with autism, continued to challenge teachers and family. Bree could never be left alone. She was highly coordinated and could fearlessly climb anywhere or open anything. We were on "lockdown" at home with keys for every room she wouldn't be safe in (which was almost every room). We tried various medications and natural supplements. Some were helpful, many were not.
Our "therapy" for Bree was lots of family time. Her two older siblings pulled her along, modeling appropriate social and emotional behavior. Her two younger siblings pushed Bree, helping her learn to talk and slowly mature. Bree's younger sister followed her everywhere, thwarting Bree's attempts to isolate herself. Leaving Bree in her younger years for any length of time was highly stressful (for her and the sitter), so we spent many more hours doing things as a family than might be typical. The "togetherness" of our family was not always easy, but we can say now that it was worth it.
Today Bree is an amazing teenager. She still has autism and ADHD. But she is also smart, happy, well-adjusted, and mature in many ways. Bree has strong emotional bonds with all her siblings (although she can embarrass them at times!). She is very verbal and has an excellent memory. Her musical talent is obvious; we found she has perfect pitch. Bree will sing anywhere, anytime, and usually louder than anyone else (she delights others at church as they hear her echoing from the bathroom -- the place with the best acoustics!).
Bree plays ice hockey with our local special needs team. Many volunteers and sponsors make this possible. Ice hockey has been a perfect sport for her, as it requires interaction and cooperation, but doesn't threaten personal space. Bree sang the national anthem at our opening game last year.
Home school has been wonderful for Bree as a teenager. She has many social opportunities with her activities, church groups, and siblings. Her occupational skills (learned at home) include doing her own laundry, fixing her own meals, basic sewing skills, making phone calls, using the internet (supervised), and shopping with mom or dad. Bree helps with the care of pets, doing the dirty work her siblings don't prefer (with no whining!). We are now raising baby bantam chicks together as a home school project.
We still cannot leave Bree anywhere completely alone, but "lockdown" hasn't been necessary for years. She will never have a driver's license or get married. She will always be with us. The joy and laughter she brings to those around her cannot be measured. She loves routine and keeps me going when health issues are discouraging. I can truly say Bree is a delight and I am grateful to be her mother.
Each unique child has so much to give. Finding the things that are right for Bree will continue to be our focus. We recommend following your feelings, with patience, and enjoying the journey.
If you have a story you wish to share about your personal experience with autism, please send it to editors@autismspeaks.org. Autism Speaks reserves the right to edit contributions for space, style and content. Because of the volume of submissions, not all can be published on the site.
We look back now as Bree soon turns sixteen, and feel grateful for the way our whole family has learned and grown together. Perhaps the differences in how we approached our situation will encourage other parents of children with autism to follow their feelings when national or local trends in treating autism don't seem right for them.
Bree is the third of five children, the only one with autism. We were homeschoolers for many years, and also had our family attending private and public schools. Bree attended special needs classes for three years. She tested as very bright, or high-functioning, and learned to read easily. Her ADHD, coupled with autism, continued to challenge teachers and family. Bree could never be left alone. She was highly coordinated and could fearlessly climb anywhere or open anything. We were on "lockdown" at home with keys for every room she wouldn't be safe in (which was almost every room). We tried various medications and natural supplements. Some were helpful, many were not.
Our "therapy" for Bree was lots of family time. Her two older siblings pulled her along, modeling appropriate social and emotional behavior. Her two younger siblings pushed Bree, helping her learn to talk and slowly mature. Bree's younger sister followed her everywhere, thwarting Bree's attempts to isolate herself. Leaving Bree in her younger years for any length of time was highly stressful (for her and the sitter), so we spent many more hours doing things as a family than might be typical. The "togetherness" of our family was not always easy, but we can say now that it was worth it.
Today Bree is an amazing teenager. She still has autism and ADHD. But she is also smart, happy, well-adjusted, and mature in many ways. Bree has strong emotional bonds with all her siblings (although she can embarrass them at times!). She is very verbal and has an excellent memory. Her musical talent is obvious; we found she has perfect pitch. Bree will sing anywhere, anytime, and usually louder than anyone else (she delights others at church as they hear her echoing from the bathroom -- the place with the best acoustics!).
Bree plays ice hockey with our local special needs team. Many volunteers and sponsors make this possible. Ice hockey has been a perfect sport for her, as it requires interaction and cooperation, but doesn't threaten personal space. Bree sang the national anthem at our opening game last year.
Home school has been wonderful for Bree as a teenager. She has many social opportunities with her activities, church groups, and siblings. Her occupational skills (learned at home) include doing her own laundry, fixing her own meals, basic sewing skills, making phone calls, using the internet (supervised), and shopping with mom or dad. Bree helps with the care of pets, doing the dirty work her siblings don't prefer (with no whining!). We are now raising baby bantam chicks together as a home school project.
We still cannot leave Bree anywhere completely alone, but "lockdown" hasn't been necessary for years. She will never have a driver's license or get married. She will always be with us. The joy and laughter she brings to those around her cannot be measured. She loves routine and keeps me going when health issues are discouraging. I can truly say Bree is a delight and I am grateful to be her mother.
Each unique child has so much to give. Finding the things that are right for Bree will continue to be our focus. We recommend following your feelings, with patience, and enjoying the journey.
If you have a story you wish to share about your personal experience with autism, please send it to editors@autismspeaks.org. Autism Speaks reserves the right to edit contributions for space, style and content. Because of the volume of submissions, not all can be published on the site.
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