Squawk! Squaaaaaaaaaaawk!

Tyler looked over at the woman whom he had assumed was in charge of the event. “Can I start over?” he muttered.

“Yes,” the woman replied.

“Okay,” Tyler said with the same mutter, ready to begin again.

Tyler slowly drew the trumpet up to his lips. It took him a moment to get started, but then he wonderfully finished the Star Wars theme song. The audience clapped and cheered, and Tyler raced down the stairs in triumph.

It was announced that it was Teagen's turn. He smiled brightly and skipped up the stairs with his clarinet in hand. Once he took his seat, he looked down at his clarinet and he was ready to play “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” I had butterflies in my stomach for him, and I took my nerves out by snapping what seemed like too many pictures of him before he even began the song. Taking a deep breath, he blew into the clarinet. A squeak came out, and then air.

A few kids giggled at the amusing noise that the clarinet made and Teagen's face turned pink.

He began again. Sadly, nothing but air escaped from the clarinet. A bright shade of red crawled across the poor boy's face in embarrassment. His shaking hands made fiddling with the clarinet much harder. He was hoping to come across the problem. Teagen looked out at the huge audience before trying again, but there was no positive result. I could see that his face was filled with embarrassment and frustration. What happened next seemed to go by in slow motion.

My dad shoved the video camera at me as Teagen scrunched up his crimson face. A few tears and a whimper escaped the poor boy. I was in shock as my dad carried my sobbing brother off into the hallway. I did what my first instinct told me to do. I put down the camera to see if my little brother was okay.

It's hard to understand them. I've grown up with them their whole lives, yet I still can't imagine what they go through. They have a battle that they have to fight everyday. It was something that we didn't expect; no one in my family was ready for it. It wasn't only that my brother's clarinet wasn't functioning the night of his school talent show. It's that our family wasn't ready for Asperger's Syndrome.

Asperger's Syndrome is a form of autism which affects many people in terms of their behavior, social skills, communication, and academics. They tend to be socially impaired, which means that they don't understand or think of other people's thoughts or feelings when it comes to socializing. My brothers are also verysmart. For example, my brothers are experts on dinosaurs, animals, Godzilla, and Star Wars. They basically have obsessions and have become experts in those areas. In our house, they used to be known as our “little professors.” I even remember Teagen saying that he was ready for college at the age of 5. In some ways, that is a factual statement.

When they were babies, they could barely talk. My parents had to keep them on certain diets. It was hard for me, being a picky kid, wanting food when the only edible food in the house was hummus! I've also seen many specialists set foot in my house. Many people came through our doors and tried to figure out ways to reach them. Eventually my brothers started talking, and when they began, they just wouldn't stop!

They also grew bigger vocabularies than the average child should have. It was a bit weird to see my little 3^rd grade brother being given words such as “axillaries” or “esophagus,” and getting them right on the spelling tests. One boy had to work with a special teacher and create his own lists. They also made little random projects for themselves based off of any new animal or character they would research, and they would do this all in their free time.

These boys have always been able to go on for hours about a new character on a TV show or video game that I could care less about (but I had to pretend to listen or else they would get upset). They would also tell me about these new animals they'd research for fun. After awhile, it got harder to pretend I was interested.

My brothers could “stim” (as we call it) for hours. Stimming is what they do when there is too much going on in their heads. They hop around the room to help them think. When I was younger, I used to find this annoying. They'd be telling you an idea they had but they'd stop mid-sentence and start stimming: Hop, step, step, hop.

They know they are different and have longed to have friends who could understand them. They may not understand socializing, but they do understand that, as twins, they will always have each other. There are some kids with Asperger's who are all alone. My brothers are so lucky. One day, my mom was in the grocery store with my brothers, and Teagen left for a moment to go to the bathroom. Tyler and my mom began freaking out looking for him. Of course he got a good scolding from Mom when he returned, but Tyler said, “I'm glad you're okay! I was so scared! Mom, I don't know what I'd do without Teagen!”

No matter what, they have each other. They always will, especially since they don't have many friends at school.

We sometimes have family discussions on my parents' bed, talking about life. I remember at the last discussion Tyler began with, “Why don't people like me? A lot of the times when I'm talking to someone, they say ‘Why don't you just shut up?!' I really don't have many friends.”

I wanted to blame Asperger's, but how would that help? He has no control over what occurred in his brain to cause this disorder! It just isn't as simple as wishing it away. I wish more kids their age could understand them.

I'll admit that when I was the age that they are now, I wasn't patient with them at all. They would be stuttering and I'd get so annoyed I'd yell, “Spit it out!”

My dad would give me a disappointed look and say, “Danielle, they have autism!”

That really didn't mean much until now, and it definitely means more now.

My brothers are so strong. They live with Asperger's. In my eyes that makes them, by far, stronger than any comic book hero they idolize.

I love them and I've grown to love the occasional bursts of information. I just wish other people could, too.

I waved my hands at Teagen's face to try to make the redness go away. My dad was in the corner, fiddling with the clarinet.

“I found the problem,” Dad began, “The top wasn't screwed on all the way. Try it now.”

He handed Teagen the clarinet. Teagen tested it, and “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” finally came out of the instrument. Tears of embarrassment flowed down Teagen's face. His expression seemed to say, “Why weren't you working before?”

“Will I get to go on again, Dad?” he asked in a cute little innocent voice.

“Of course,” my dad replied.

Immediately one of the women running the show joined us. “Are you going to go back up?” she asked with hope in her voice.

“Yes,” Teagen replied nervously, in a voice that did not reveal the emotion I have come to know.

“Now it's Teagen's turn!” the emcees announced.

Teagen went onto the stage, a little hesitantly. He sat down in the chair and looked out at the audience over his clarinet as I picked up the video camera and my dad sat ready to take as many pictures as he could of Teagen's great triumph. Each note was wonderful from start to finish. The roar of the crowd was amazing. I heard Tyler cheering the loudest. I was so proud of both of them.