Brady's Perfect Day
By Derrick Long
Editor's note: The opinions expressed herein are those of the author exclusively.
By Derrick Long
Editor's note: The opinions expressed herein are those of the author exclusively.
Most parents never expect to have a perfect day with one of their children; it's just too unrealistic. This is especially the case when one of your children has autism. Our son Brady was diagnosed with autism shortly after his second birthday. He didn't walk until the week before his second birthday. He was nonverbal until he was almost three years old. His tantrums were uncontrollable. His obsessions and rigidity brought about extreme frustration.
His flapping was, and still is, hard to control. I can only imagine how tired Brady is of hearing us utter the phrase “Quiet Hands” while he uncontrollably flaps his hands while up on his tip-toes with his nose about 1 inch from the TV.
When we received Brady's diagnosis, we took immediate action. Since he was diagnosed almost three years ago, Brady has spent thousands of hours in physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and ABA therapy. Brady has attended a pre-school for children with developmental delays for two years, he has therapists come into his day-care a few days a week to work on his socialization with other kids, and he has attended summer ‘buddy camps' for children with autism.
However, birthdays have always been somewhat of a struggle for Brady. At his second birthday party, he stared down a bubble machine flapping uncontrollably for what seemed to be 30-45 minutes non-stop. At his third birthday party, Brady screamed and cried while we all sang “Happy Birthday” to him. The people and song were all too overwhelming for him. By his fourth birthday party, he simply put his fingers in his ears while we sang to him – a huge improvement from the previous year. He has attended some parties of friends from school and his ability to cope with the new surroundings and numerous simultaneous activities has continued to improve. As a result, we decided it might be a good time to try a birthday party at a public place allowing him to invite his friends along with all of his cousins. We decided to hold the party at ‘Pump it Up,' which is a franchise that holds outings for children with inflatable bouncers, slides, and obstacle courses. Brady was ecstatic. It was all he could talk about for the three months leading up to his birthday. My wife, Betsy, and I were very excited for him, but very nervous. What if none of his friends showed up? Would he play with all of his friends that do show up? Would he be willing to take off his shoes? Brady absolutely hates taking off his shoes due to his sensory issues. Would he throw a tantrum during the singing of Happy Birthday?
There was a lot of preparation put into this party. For three months we discussed the party with Brady. The week prior to the party, Brady's therapists created a social story that we read with Brady at least once a day. It included everything from playing with all of his friends, to taking off his shoes, to not being silly when he ate, to thanking everyone for the gifts and thanking them for coming. On the way to ‘Pump it Up' my wife and I and our two and a half year old daughter, Delaney, practiced singing “Happy Birthday” to Brady in the car with him pretending to blow out the candles immediately after the song was over. All was well in the car, but how would he respond with 20-30 people singing the song to him?
When we arrived, Brady could hardly contain himself as they showed us around the room where the party would be held. Brady did not hesitate to take his shoes off as it was now time to play. As each child arrived, Brady would greet them and then continue to slide, bounce, and make his way through the obstacle course. Almost all of Brady's best friends showed up. There was nothing you could do to erase the permanent smile from Brady's face, and surprisingly his flapping had subsided for the most part. With 10 minutes of play time remaining, I made sure to warn Brady that in 10 minutes play time would be over and it would be time to make our way to another room for pizza, cake, and presents. There was no fight, no tantrum, not even a complaint. Brady just said to all of his friends, “Come on guys, let's hurry up and play. We only have 10 minutes left.” There was silence among the 20 kids as they mowed down their pizza. It was now time to sing “Happy Birthday.” Brady made his way over to the table with the cake and cupcakes and the other children followed and gathered around. We all started to sing “Happy Birthday” and Brady stood there with a smile on his face the entire time, anxiously waiting for the song to stop so he could blow out the candles. He blew out the candles and the crowd erupted. After cake and ice cream, Brady was seated in a blow up throne to open all of his presents. He politely said thank you after opening each gift. As the party was winding down, with Mommy's encouragement Brady stood up in front of everyone and said, “Thanks everybody!” Speaking in front of large crowds is intimidating for almost everyone, so you can imagine how hard it must be for a 5 year old child with autism. I have never been so proud of him. While driving home, Betsy and I were commenting on how this is the first time ever that we felt Brady just kind of fit in with all the other kids and how for those two hours we couldn't even tell that he had autism (other than some excessive flapping when he opened his new Buzz Lightyear). Just then, Brady said, “Mom and Dad – I had so much fun!” It was the perfect ending to the perfect party and personally one of the greatest days of my life.
We realize we are very fortunate. Not many children with autism are lucky enough to get an early diagnosis or receive early intervention. Even if they do – there is no guarantee that early intervention will produce the results that we have been fortunate enough to see in Brady. We have a great support group of therapists and a great group of family and improvement has been exceptional. We expect Brady to attend a typical public school next year for kindergarten with the assistance of an aide. It has been a long hard road for us, and we know there is a lot more work to do with Brady as autism will continue to be a lifelong challenge. There will be many good days and many bad days to come. But we now have hope.
We know what many parents of children with autism go through on a daily basis. We remember the other parents scoffing when Brady's only way to communicate was to screech as loud as he could. We remember people telling us that Brady was just like everyone else and we were being paranoid. I remember breaking down at a friend's 4th of July party wondering how Brady can spend 30 straight minutes opening and closing the door of a play car. We remember when Brady's baby-sitter of a year refused to watch Brady after his autism diagnosis “in fear of what he might do to the other children.” We remember Brady throwing a 20-30 minute tantrum in the car if we went left out of the driveway instead of right. We remember the sleepless nights wondering if Brady would walk or talk. We hope this story provides inspiration to parents who have just received the diagnosis or who have yet to see the results they desire. Even if you never see that the ‘perfect day,' continue to strive so you can at least see a better day.
When we received Brady's diagnosis, we took immediate action. Since he was diagnosed almost three years ago, Brady has spent thousands of hours in physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and ABA therapy. Brady has attended a pre-school for children with developmental delays for two years, he has therapists come into his day-care a few days a week to work on his socialization with other kids, and he has attended summer ‘buddy camps' for children with autism.
However, birthdays have always been somewhat of a struggle for Brady. At his second birthday party, he stared down a bubble machine flapping uncontrollably for what seemed to be 30-45 minutes non-stop. At his third birthday party, Brady screamed and cried while we all sang “Happy Birthday” to him. The people and song were all too overwhelming for him. By his fourth birthday party, he simply put his fingers in his ears while we sang to him – a huge improvement from the previous year. He has attended some parties of friends from school and his ability to cope with the new surroundings and numerous simultaneous activities has continued to improve. As a result, we decided it might be a good time to try a birthday party at a public place allowing him to invite his friends along with all of his cousins. We decided to hold the party at ‘Pump it Up,' which is a franchise that holds outings for children with inflatable bouncers, slides, and obstacle courses. Brady was ecstatic. It was all he could talk about for the three months leading up to his birthday. My wife, Betsy, and I were very excited for him, but very nervous. What if none of his friends showed up? Would he play with all of his friends that do show up? Would he be willing to take off his shoes? Brady absolutely hates taking off his shoes due to his sensory issues. Would he throw a tantrum during the singing of Happy Birthday?
There was a lot of preparation put into this party. For three months we discussed the party with Brady. The week prior to the party, Brady's therapists created a social story that we read with Brady at least once a day. It included everything from playing with all of his friends, to taking off his shoes, to not being silly when he ate, to thanking everyone for the gifts and thanking them for coming. On the way to ‘Pump it Up' my wife and I and our two and a half year old daughter, Delaney, practiced singing “Happy Birthday” to Brady in the car with him pretending to blow out the candles immediately after the song was over. All was well in the car, but how would he respond with 20-30 people singing the song to him?
When we arrived, Brady could hardly contain himself as they showed us around the room where the party would be held. Brady did not hesitate to take his shoes off as it was now time to play. As each child arrived, Brady would greet them and then continue to slide, bounce, and make his way through the obstacle course. Almost all of Brady's best friends showed up. There was nothing you could do to erase the permanent smile from Brady's face, and surprisingly his flapping had subsided for the most part. With 10 minutes of play time remaining, I made sure to warn Brady that in 10 minutes play time would be over and it would be time to make our way to another room for pizza, cake, and presents. There was no fight, no tantrum, not even a complaint. Brady just said to all of his friends, “Come on guys, let's hurry up and play. We only have 10 minutes left.” There was silence among the 20 kids as they mowed down their pizza. It was now time to sing “Happy Birthday.” Brady made his way over to the table with the cake and cupcakes and the other children followed and gathered around. We all started to sing “Happy Birthday” and Brady stood there with a smile on his face the entire time, anxiously waiting for the song to stop so he could blow out the candles. He blew out the candles and the crowd erupted. After cake and ice cream, Brady was seated in a blow up throne to open all of his presents. He politely said thank you after opening each gift. As the party was winding down, with Mommy's encouragement Brady stood up in front of everyone and said, “Thanks everybody!” Speaking in front of large crowds is intimidating for almost everyone, so you can imagine how hard it must be for a 5 year old child with autism. I have never been so proud of him. While driving home, Betsy and I were commenting on how this is the first time ever that we felt Brady just kind of fit in with all the other kids and how for those two hours we couldn't even tell that he had autism (other than some excessive flapping when he opened his new Buzz Lightyear). Just then, Brady said, “Mom and Dad – I had so much fun!” It was the perfect ending to the perfect party and personally one of the greatest days of my life.
We realize we are very fortunate. Not many children with autism are lucky enough to get an early diagnosis or receive early intervention. Even if they do – there is no guarantee that early intervention will produce the results that we have been fortunate enough to see in Brady. We have a great support group of therapists and a great group of family and improvement has been exceptional. We expect Brady to attend a typical public school next year for kindergarten with the assistance of an aide. It has been a long hard road for us, and we know there is a lot more work to do with Brady as autism will continue to be a lifelong challenge. There will be many good days and many bad days to come. But we now have hope.
We know what many parents of children with autism go through on a daily basis. We remember the other parents scoffing when Brady's only way to communicate was to screech as loud as he could. We remember people telling us that Brady was just like everyone else and we were being paranoid. I remember breaking down at a friend's 4th of July party wondering how Brady can spend 30 straight minutes opening and closing the door of a play car. We remember when Brady's baby-sitter of a year refused to watch Brady after his autism diagnosis “in fear of what he might do to the other children.” We remember Brady throwing a 20-30 minute tantrum in the car if we went left out of the driveway instead of right. We remember the sleepless nights wondering if Brady would walk or talk. We hope this story provides inspiration to parents who have just received the diagnosis or who have yet to see the results they desire. Even if you never see that the ‘perfect day,' continue to strive so you can at least see a better day.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
||||||
